From Victim to Agent: Reclaiming the Power of Your Story: Why the Most Powerful Tool for Your Health Might Be the Story You Tell Yourself

We all face suffering—some of it random, some of it unjust, and some of it the kind that makes you want to throw your hands up and say, "Really? This too?"

But here’s a question I find myself asking more and more—not just as a doctor, but as a human being trying to make sense of it all: What if the key to a longer, healthier, more meaningful life isn’t in a pill, a lab test, or a perfect diet plan—but in the story we tell ourselves about who we are?

That might sound poetic. Maybe even a little fluffy. But hang with me here.

In longevity medicine, we chase the edges of possibility. We optimize biomarkers, personalize nutrition, and track sleep like Olympic coaches. But none of it sticks if a person believes, deep down, that they’re broken. That life just happens to them. That they’re a character in someone else’s script. That they are doomed to failure.

I’ve come to believe that shifting from a victim mindset to one of agency isn’t just inspirational—it’s foundational. It affects how we heal, how we age, how we relate, and yes, even how long we live.

So what happens when you stop seeing yourself as a passive recipient and start living like an active author of your story?

Turns out, a lot.

Identity isn’t just a name tag we slap on at birth. It’s the story behind the eyes—the internal narrator who decides whether life’s challenges are a test, a tragedy, or a turning point.

In my work, I’ve met people with "perfect" labs but a deeply disempowered sense of self. And I’ve seen others with chronic conditions who somehow radiate strength, optimism, and purpose. What makes the difference?

Often, it's the story they’re living in.

You can have the most dialed-in health plan in the world, but if your core identity is “someone who can’t catch a break,” that plan rarely takes root. It’s like trying to grow a garden in sand.

But when someone starts to see themselves as the author of their story, not just a character in it? Everything changes. They show up differently. They act with intention. They make choices not from fear, but from alignment.

As one of my patients once put it: “I’m not defined by what happened to me. I’m the one who gets to decide what happens next.”

Beautiful.

Let’s be clear: pain and injustice are real. This isn’t about pretending otherwise. There are true victims in this world. In fact, at times, we are victims. But I want to distinctly separate 'being a victim' from 'having a victim mentality'. They are two very different things. The former is an event, the latter is a mindset and life philosophy. The things that happen to us vs how we interpret the experience of what happen to us is where victim and victim mentality diverge.

Victim Identity

• Defined by being acted upon

• Characterized by helplessness, blame, and 'stuckness'

• Validates pain, but risks keeping people trapped in it

Agency Identity

• Defined by being a participant in one’s own story

• Characterized by choice, curiosity, and movement

• Honors pain, but does not let it have the final word

Victim Identity	Agency Identity
"Why me?"	"What now?"
Powerless	Empowered
Blame	Responsibility
Reactivity	Intentionality
Identity in injury	Identity in growth

So how exactly can we start to shift from victim mindset to agency mindset?

The first step is to Acknowledge the Pain. This is non-negotiable. Skipping this step is like slapping a band-aid on a broken leg. Honor the grief, the loss, the injustice. Let it be real.

Pema Chödrön wrote:

"Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us."

Next, we look to Reframe the Story. Between what happens and how we respond, there is a space. Viktor Frankl famously said that in this space lies our freedom. That’s where agency lives.

Ask yourself:

What part of this is actually mine to carry? What part is actually mine to change?

Then we Reclaim ResponsibilityThis isn’t about blame. It’s about choosing your response. When you realize you’re not just in the story—you’re writing it—everything gets more interesting.

Often a helpful step is to Craft a New Identity Statement. Try something like:"I am not just a product of what has happened to me—I am a participant in what I become. My past informs me, but it does not imprison me. I may carry wounds, but I also carry wisdom."

And the whole time we are Embodying Our Values. If this step sounds cheesy then you need to wake up and choose different values. Until you are absolutely pumped about the values you are living with, then you should take it as a symbol that you are not in alinement with your values. Remember, your values are things you believe in so strongly that at times you will be willing to risk your life to stand in and defend them. If you can't imagine this then you need to start searching for new values.

Ultimately it comes down to the observation that people with an internal locus of control seem to live markedly better lives. That is those who believe their actions influence outcomes, tend to live longer, handle stress better, recover more effectively, and genuinely have more meaning infused into the years they have on this earth.

In clinic, I’ve watched this play out. Patients who start to claim authorship over their lives don’t just follow plans—they engage with them. They sleep more soundly, laugh more heartily, and eat like they’re nourishing someone they care about, and live with more joy.

As James Hollis reminds us:

"We are not here to fit in, be well balanced, or provide examples for others. We are here to become more fully ourselves."

Suffering is real. So is choice. Identity isn’t concrete, it’s clay. It can evolve, stretch, and strengthen.

As a physician who’s spent years helping people extend their healthspan, I’ve come to believe this: cultivating agency may be the most potent medicine of all.

You are not waiting to be rescued. You are walking your path. Not because it is easy, but because it is yours.