Irking to prevent shirking

Habits are the new 'in' thing. Some would say hotter than Hansel from the movie Zoolander. To this end, the self help world is a buzz with methodologies to start new habits that will improve your health, optimize time management, improve your relationships, and maintain mental well being amongst others. 

I am not going to review, support, criticize, or expand upon any of these methodologies in this post. Instead I want to shine a different sort of light on this thinking, drawing attention to what I think is the core take home for people interested in leveraging habits. It is this: unless what ever behavior you desire becomes your identity, it wont stick. 

Let's look at an example. I’ve tried to meditate for years. The usual sequence of events is that I get into a 2 week streak of consistent meditation, and then bam, its gone. I just don’t do it. No big break down, no great struggle, its just gone. And honestly, it doesn't feel like a big deal.

Put this in contrast to exercise. I exercise basically every day. When I am laying down in bed on a day that I haven’t exercised it irks me. I cant sleep well. I am missing something. I have not lived to my identity.

Let's dive into that a bit. I am an exerciser, through and through. It is in my blood, it is an essential part of me, felt viscerally, when I don't exercise, something is missing. In direct opposition to this, I am clearly not a meditator. I stop meditating and I don't even notice for a couple days. Being a meditator is clearly not yet my identity.

Using the lens of common sense... this makes sense. People are willing to die for their identity. Ask a Union solider in the American Civil War why he listened to his superior when he said walk directly into musket fire, and he will tell you "I am a soldier, we follow orders." Ask an exhausted mother how she can treat her terror of a toddler with gentle kindness when said toddler is being an asshole by every definition of the word, and the mother will tell you "I am a mother, its what I do."

Now don't get me wrong. I can become a meditator just as truly as I currently am an exerciser. Identity can change. In fact, it changes all the time. I don't use pacifiers anymore because I am not a child, but I did... when I was a child. 

In a future post I will delve into the graphic above which I created as a visualization to lead my patients through the concept of identity change and its effect on beliefs, thoughts, actions, and behavioral outcome. For now I'll let it be a teaser.

I like this mental framework of identity and behavioral change. It is simple, actionable, effective, and can be applied to anything. So next time you try to start a habit around yoga, diet, journal writing, smoking cessation, [insert your cliche habit here] take a moment to see how this new behavior truly fits into your identity and your perception of yourself. You might find that is the most important step of the entire process.