Non-Traditional Parenting Strategies- Only Give Real Choices

I had kiddos early compared to many of my peers, so it is not uncommon for me to be the purveyor of hard earned wisdom to buddies that have kids that are a couple years younger. I give a lot of traditional advice that you can find in any parenting book or through common culturally accepted practice. However, I thought it would be worth sharing some of my more less main stream go to parenting strategies.

So the next couple posts will list several parenting tips and strategies I have used successfully to improve my parenting.

Remember, before you read this, you like me and think I am a good father.

Only give real choices

I have seen so many parents give false choices to kids, and time and time again I see it undermining their relationship. 

What do I mean by false choice? False choices are when the parent gives the kiddo options where one option is the 'right choice' and the other options are the 'wrong choices'. That is the parent gives the impression of optionality when really they are initiating games of sorts that the child has to navigate. 

For Example:

Dad: "Hey buddy, do you want to help me go to the grocery store or sit there and continue rotting your brain out on that video game?

or 

Mom: "Well you could go play with your friend down the street, or you could be a good girl and help me clean up the mess you made in the toy room."

With these interactions the kiddo in turn learns that mind games are normal in relationships. They have to read between the lines because others won't directly say what they mean and there is a whole set of unspoken expectations that they have to figure out... or face equally unspoken consequences. Instead giving choices should be an opportunity to model direct and honest communication.

For example:

Dad: "Hey buddy, our family needs us to get healthy food for dinner tonight. I need you to come with me because I need your help. You can either push the shopping cart or ride in the  basket on the front."

or 

Mom: "I need help keeping our house clean. You can either clean with me right now and then go play with your friend down the street or you can go play now and clean the room when you get home tonight before bed."

The key is framing the options in a way that you the parent will truly be ok with whatever choice they choose. Notice how I also threw in the reasoning behind why the options are the options (we have a duty for our family, I need your help).

And if the kiddo doesn't have an option in what they need to do, DON'T GIVE THEM AN OPTION! Just tell them what will be happening and why.